The God of Small Things

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before and she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect- you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can hurt-her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyse and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.” -Bob Marley

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

"D'you know what happens when you hurt people? Ammu said.

"When you hurt people, they begin to love you less. That's what careless words do. They make people love you a little less."

A cold moth with unusually dense dorsal tufts landed lightly on Rahel's heart. Where its icy legs touched her, she got goosebumps. Six goosebumps on her careless heart. A little less Ammu loved her. The moth on Rahel's heart spread its velvet wings, and the chill crept into her bones." (107)

"Centuries telescoped into one evanescent moment. History was wrong-footed, caught off guard. Sloughed off like an old snakeskin. Its marks, its scars, its wounds from old wars and the walking-backwards days all fell away. In its absence it left an aura, a palpable shimmering that was as plain to see as the water in a river or the sun in the sky. As plain to feel as the heat on a hot day, or the tug of a fish on a taunt line. So obvious that no one noticed." (169)

"It is after all so easy to shatter a story. To break a chain of thought. To ruin a fragment of a dream being carried around carefully like a piece of porcelain." (181)

"The secret of the Great Stories is that they have no secrets. The Great Stories are the ones you have heard and want to hear again. The ones you can enter anywhere and inhabit comfortably. They don't deceive you with thrills and trick endings. They don't surprise you with the unforeseen. They are as familiar as the house you live in. Or the smell of your lover's skin. You know how they end yet you listen as though you don't. In the way that you know that one day you will die, you live as though you won't. In the Great Stories you know who lives, who dies, who finds love, who doesn't. And yet you want to know again. That is their mystery and their magic." (218)

"Ammu smiled to herself in the dark, thinking how much she loved his arms— the shape and the strength of them, how safe she felt resting in them when actually it was the most dangerous place she could be" (319)

"They had nothing. No future. So they stuck of the small things. They laughed at ant-bites on each other' bottoms. At clumsy caterpillars sliding off the ends of leaves. At overturned beetles that couldn't couldn't right themselves...

Without admitting it to each other or themselves, they linked their fates, their futures (their Love, their Madness, their Hope, their Infinnate Joy). Each time they parted, they extracted only one small promise from each other:

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow." (321)

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The Senioritis I Don't Have

The epidemic that spreads around and eventually overtakes everyone at least once in their lives. The disease that hinders progression. The one that changes lifestyles. The one that takes control of mind, body, and soul little-by-little until one no longer has the willpower do anything other than what it wants one to. Its influence is so prominent and destructive that some doubt such a thing could exist; they say it's a hoax— an excuse. Others, those currently handicapped, beg to differ. This overbearingly controlling monster is none other than our pal, Senioritis.

While some battle a severe case of STDs (Senior Transmitted Disease), others are more fortunate to only be struck by ASS (Acquired Senior Syndrome). I'm sorry to say but those with STDs are far beyond repair and will not be checking back in anytime soon. Now those with ASS seem to be somewhat curable. Though the condition doesn't seem to fully disappear, the symptoms do dwindle for periods of time— long enough time to knock out a few assessments.

Now the question is, which case do I have? How much drive and motivation am I capable of releasing in these last few months? Well the truth is, it hasn't really hit me yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm ready to be done like everyone else. However, I still have my game on. While many were up late writing the lit paper for Mrs. Smith, the physics IA for Osinski, and the history paper for Dr. Wannamaker, I finished days prior and slept. It's like I'm drawn and addicted to productivity— starting work during free time between classes, going to the IB lab during lunch, etc. Honestly, I love the feeling of being on top of my game. My only hope is that this productivity and motivation doesn't die; the last thing I want is to uncover the burdening news of being positive with the worst possible case of STDs. But for now, Veni, Vidi, Vici.

The Kind of Couples I love

Winnie the Pooh

I may be 17, but I still laughed SO HARD at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ui-qx5r9fNw&feature=related

Some things just never get old. Speaking of getting old, I just want to give a quick shout out to my baby brother who just turned 15 last week. Okay okay maybe he's not such a baby anymore. Maybe that's the problem. The fact that he's growing up and changing so fast! Tmth.. Literally! What happened to the days when sitting in the front seat was the biggest deal? Or when I'd put you back to bed after a bad dream? And the days when the best part of Halloween was dumping out all our candy and counting how many pieces we each got? And how could I forget Mario Cart? Now that you're a freshie, I just want you to know that I know you're going to be so successful, and I'm so excited to seeyou grow during the next few years of high school. On that note, I hope you enjoyed your first time snow boarding and you have a fantastic year<3

The Beginning of the End

Winter break is coming to an end, the holiday season is over, and a New Year has arrived. It's a bit sad but a bit exciting at the same time. Completely bittersweet.

First off, I for one LOVE the holiday time. The spirit. The music. The joy. The lights. All the giving. Cuddling. Hazelnut hot chocolate. It's all so adorable. However, with the end of all that is the New Year. There's something exciting about the New Year, aside from the partying of course. Everything feels so.. so fresh. So new. And yeah that's the point. Time to make resolutions and be a "better person". We've all experienced how those resolutions are created with such ambition and soon enough pushed off to the side. Every year my best friend and I make a list of things we want to improve and work on, and vow to help each other accomplish our goals. Unsurprisingly, a month in, our lives basically return back to normal. In reality, a new year feels like a break from the cycle, and thus a time of reflection. Yet this year, I decided to take a new approach to the new year. I boiled the list down to two things. Two things I really want to work on. Two things that I feel will make me more confident and likable.

First off, I want to be more conscious on how I treat others and make them feel. I want to be encouraging, giving, and helpful. A few days ago, we had a "Beginning of the End Party". Aka celebrating the starting of our last semester as seniors. A friend's birthday had just passed a few days prior, and I felt I hadn't done enough for her, especially since she does so much for me. Consequently, I brought a red velvet cake for her and the few others that were early. Not that I'm pointing this out to be pretentious and win brownie points— trust me, that's far from the point. In fact, what I'm trying to say is I considered the gesture small and wasn't expecting much gratitude. However, she was genuinely appreciative, and it was cute how the small amount of thought made her feel so cared for. As the year goes on, I want to make sure those who I care about know it. I feel this has been quite successful so far, especially since I feel so close to my IB family right now, like crazy close. Everyone is going through their own trials and tribulations— whether it be school or family or relationships. And even if the advice may not be helpful or the situation may still be unresolved, we're all going through it together, finding comfort in that simple hug and genuine person available for venting. I know many of you girls have been having a tough past few weeks, and i just want to remind you "you'll turn out fine. Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine. But you gotta keep your head up and you can let your hair down.. I know it's hard, know it's hard to remember sometimes, but you gotta keep your head up" :).

Secondly, as cliche as it is, I want to work on my health. My friend and I have been going to the gym for the past three weeks, and I honestly really enjoy it. Time passes so much faster than at swim and soccer practice. And the light and invincible feeling afterward— totally worth it. Another thing I've noticed about myself is when I work out, I tend to be more conscious about eating well. Yet when I don't work out, I don't care as much and eat worse. Thus, working out is a win win situation!

Now the worst part: back to school. Not gonna lie, several times during this break I've thought about how great it would be to be a normal senior. Showing up to class when I feel like it, getting senioritis, just cruising through the day without much work. The desire is so prominent as I watch others around me with the stress-free lifestyle. Yet at the same time, I'm so glad I followed through with IB. Definitely a life-changing decision that's molded me to be who I am today. I love the spirit and bond we all have. You'd think that with knowing so much work is yet to come, I'd be ready for the last semester to fly by. In a sense I am. I can't wait until college! Especially when I reflect on all the freedom and opportunities. Yet at the same time, I'm not going to spend the semester just waiting for it to end. I want to enjoy myself and embrace the year. It's the last few months everyone will be together, and seeing how wonderful our class is doing with acceptances (already have MIT, Harvard, and University of Chicago acceptances, congrats guys!) we'll be going our separate ways to create our own paths to success. So, as crazy as it may seem, I look forward to struggling through these last few months with everyone's highs and lows. No doubt the next four months will be memorable as we end senior year creating strong bonds and following through with endless shenanigans.

Breaking Through

Many people have trouble with trust— whether it be because they trust too easily or because they have difficulty trusting. It's hard knowing, knowing who to trust, and with what. Sometimes we trust different friends with different aspects of our lives. A friend for boy stories, a friend for family problems, a friend for those embarrassing blonde moments. Isn't it interesting to reflect on who we choose to provide with what information? Trust is about several things. It's about who will keep your tales to themselves. Who will best provide advice and comfort. Who will not judge you. Who could best relate. And sometimes simply who you spend the majority of your time with.

Within the past few days, I've gotten a new perspective on trust. Trust isn't just about who you decide to share your life with, it's more so about who we choose to share our imperfections with. Which is why trust is such a big deal to all of us. Naturally, we want to come off as great, flawless people. We ourselves know this isn't the case, especially since we're so criticizing of ourselves. However, we like to let others believe we are. The more others believe we're flawless, the more confident we feel about ourselves. Thus, letting imperfections break through our shields isn't at the top of our to-do lists. But sometimes, sometimes we can't help but want to seek help. Can't help but want to share our problems. And that's when we're left with the decision of who to trust. Who to let into our inner bubble.

I used to be a person who trusted too easily. Once I felt comfortable, I wasn't the least bit hesitant to share. Recently however, I've learned this shouldn't be the case. It's important to filter and distinguish between those who are close to you and those who aren't. Yet at the same time, just because someone is close to you doesn't mean you're obligated to inform them of all your delights and woes. Likewise, just because you spend a lot of time with someone doesn't mean you have to give him or her a full view of your life. Some relationships are more so based on having fun and spending time together rather than getting personal. From these relationships, I've had to forcefully adjust trust. I've learned it's best to be there for the other person, but to be careful what I share, because there's a difference between who genuinely care and who are simply curious.

Naturally, as you lose touch with some friends and get close to others, the degree of trust you instill in different people will also shift. But it seems that those who you trust most always find a way back into your life. Along with an abundance of trust comes a bit of an attachment, a bond. And these important ones, you'll find them making their ways back into your life. And those that keep coming back, those that care to work for your trust, those that have been there for you over an extended period of time— you know they not only have, but will also take care of, the true trust you leave in their hands.