Just Some Thoughts of Wisdom

I know I JUST posted about RYLA, but I really would like to go into some of the valuable things I learned through activities, motivational speakers (thanks Camper Bull), challenges faced, and and observations.

1. Even if you can't change the world,

that doesn't mean anything... You can make a difference to those you can reach out to. Camper told us a story that has really stuck with me, and I'd like to share it, to the best I can remember. There was a man who was on vacation at the beach in Florida. He enjoyed waking up early in the mornings, so he went down to the beach and walked along the shores as the sun rose. On the previous night, there had been a high tide, so hundreds of washed up starfish lay on the shore. While the man walked along, he picked one of them up, and examined it. Then, he tossed it back into the water. As he continued to walk, he continued to pick them up one by one and throw them back into the water. As the man progressed along the beach, he noticed a figure from afar approaching. Soon, he made out the figure of another man. When the man approached, he made small talk about the tide and the beautiful weather, and explained how he lived in Florida and grew up near these beaches.

He then continued to ask "Why are you taking the time to pick up all of these starfish and throw them back in the water? They won't survive much anyways, they'll die soon when the sun comes up when they start absorbing the heat from the water. What difference does it make?". The man then picked up another starfish, looked at it for a second, then threw it as far as he could into the water. Then he turned back around and said "I know it makes a difference to that one." This story hit me hard, because it made me think about how people make excuses all the time, saying things like "I'm too young, I can't make a difference" or "It's just picking up a bit of litter, it won't change the world." But the reality is, you don't have to change the world. Contributing is just as great. Think about it. If everyone just picked up litter in their own neighborhoods, the whole world would be a prettier place, and although each individual didn't change the world, each individual's effort helped to make a difference.

2. Giving up on others allows them to give up on themselves. Although I've heard this before, I never really bothered to think about it. But at RYLA, I've how this can really be true. There was one girl in our group, who constantly talked about how she had trust issues, issues coping with people, and issues in communication. To be honest, I wasn't very fond of her; she acted as if we were supposed to be some kind of therapy group for her. I could see the looks on people's faces as soon as she started talking and voicing her opinions and issues. While we were doing trust exercises, my attitude shifted. In the activity, all the group members formed something like a zipper, standing in two parallel lines and sticking their arms out. Then, each person would take turns to climb on to the bleacher platform, and fall down backwards onto all the hands. As expected, she refused to go up there. But as her group members, we all encouraged her, telling her she could do it. We could've just let it be, but some people in the group were persistent on encouraging her to go up there. Her expression prior to falling contained sheer terror. However, after she fell, I could that see her face contained honest excitement and happiness. She did it. She trusted us. It was like a breakthrough to her. At the end of camp, when everyone was giving thanks and making shout outs to each other, she expressed her thankfulness that we were there for her and helped her grow. And the thing was, when she said it, rather than thinking to myself "oh boy, here we go again", I could tell it was genuine. We were there for her. Regardless of the fact that she was so difficult. Being there and not giving up on her helped her see her mistakes and weaknesses, and encouraged her to want to change that. We didn't give up on her, and she didn't give up on herself. People always go low on self-esteem sometimes, believing they can't do it due to let downs. However, seeing that someone believes in them and wanting to prove they can do it really provides motivation and encouragement. It doesn't take much to show someone you believe in them, but it could mean a lot to them. So don't give up on people, being there for them makes them stronger.

3. Trust and communication are the keys to all relationships. Trust doesn't just form overnight. You can't be trusted in the big things until you're trusted in the smaller things. The realization about needing to be trusted in small things first really made me understand my dad. People joking around about my driving or women's driving in general (usually my brother) really gets on my nerve. My dad also always says "just because you're getting your licence in 2 months doesn't mean I'll let you drive around by yourself... not until I feel you're ready." He also tends to get really frustrated with me when I make mistakes. I understand it all now though. I have to be flawless and not make any mistakes in order to gain his full trust. Getting frustrated back gets us no where. At camp, I realized how easy it was to gain trust. We did an activity in which everyone was blindfolded except the leader, who was restricted from touching the rest of the chain. The leader had to make up a language we could understand, without using English, to convey the directions to us. No one doubted the leader, everyone was ready to go wherever they would be led, regardless of being blindfolded. If you honestly trust someone, sometimes you don't even need to use better judgement; you know they will lead you in the right direction. In order for a group of people to be successful, it is important that they all trust each other. It helps communication, which helps to make the group of people functional. Think about if you're doing a project. If you're the type of person that can't trust your peers to get the job done, you double your workload by doing their work as well. The group isn't functional, because you're doing all the work yourself. You need to be able to talk to the people around you. Especially when something is wrong, it is important to discuss why things might be going different from the way they should be going, and the most efficient way to fix the problem. When everyone's voice is heard, everyone is satisfied. Lack of trust and communication are the cause of downfalls of many companies and relationships.

4. Silent actions speak just as loud as words. There was one activity where the whole team had to stand on the log, and we were told to arrange ourselves in order by our birthdays without talking. This task was quite difficult because it was hard to balance on the log and switch positions. If you fell, you had to go back to the position you came from. At first, many people were falling. But as we progressed, it became easier. It didn't become easier because we were suddenly more able or more experienced; it became easier because we became comfortable with each other. Everyone was willing to help when it looked like someone was having difficulty; when someone was about to fall, several hands shot in for the rescue without even being asked; everyone's arms were there just ready for when they were needed. We were all there for each other, and we all knew it, without anyone having to say anything. Our actions spoke louder than words. In some situations, it's better to show someone than to tell someone. Give them a smile, lend a helping hand, show them you care. It means more than simply saying it sometimes.

5. Being happy > Being right. Okay soo I definitely admit I'm one of those people that doesn't like being wrong, but some people take it wayy outta hand. There's some people that will always do whatever possible to be the best and always be right. The people who always want to do things their way instead of listening to the input of others. They do it because being right makes them happy, but is that really what should matter? Why is it so important to always be right? I suppose it's part of human nature, but I don't think saying things like "I'm wrong, you're right" and "I'm sorry, it was my fault" should be so difficult! Just put down your ego sometimes and focus on living happy, not living right.

6. Break away from the selective hearing. On the last day of RYLA, we did an activity where there was a large "island" in the middle, and "small islands" around, each containing a team. The objective was to get all of the teams onto the large island, using the materials given, without touching the ground. All of the teams made it over within 30 minutes. However, the Red Team was having trouble getting across. While most other teams were sitting around watching them, or cheering on their own accomplishment, my team went through the crowd and focused on cheering them on and sharing our materials to help all their team get across. See the problem was, most teams turned it into a competition and focused on getting their own team across, rather than the real goal of getting everyone to the big island. We heard what we wanted to hear and our brains transformed it into "get to the island first." Thats the problem with us humans, sometimes, we loose sight of the big goal, because we become distracted by the smaller goals. When people get distracted by the smaller goals or held up by current situations, they stray from the ultimate goals. Think about it.. if your ultimate goal is graduating from college, but you get caught up in partying or focus on trying to graduate high school by sliding by, you won't be successful in college. It's important to think ahead and set checkpoints. Look at the big picture, not the current one.

These are just some of the manyy things I've learned during my four days at RYLA, and as you can see, our schedule was PACKED! I could blog about camp all night long, but I think I'll leave it at that for now. I hope I was able to inspire you atleast a fraction of the amount that RYLA inspired me.

All We Did Was Win Win Win. Why You Ask? We Had Trust.

So yesterday afternoon, I just got back from a leadership camp called RYLA (Rotary Youth Leadership Award). When I signed up, I really had no idea what it was. I heard it was fun, and Interact wanted me to sign up. So i figured, hey why not? An opportunity to make some friends and get outta the house for four days. As I later looked at the agenda for RYLA, I wasn't too sure what to expect. There were many guest speakers, seminars, and group activities. I wasn't so sure how fun it would be anymore. As I boarded the bus, preparing myself for a 3 hour bus ride, I realized that 5 other friends I already knew were there too, rather than just the one I had originally expected.

The bus ride wasn't half bad; as I got off, I was excited to find out which dorm I'd have and hoped I would get paired with one of my school friends. Turns out, I was paired with another girl. None of my previous friends were put in my team either. After unpacking, we were sent to go meet our groups and pump up with team spirit. As soon as I sat down, I started talking to the friendly girl next to me, Greer. From that moment on, I knew camp was gonna be more than I expected. After some pre-camp talk, we were sent to go start group activities. The very first activity brought us so close, literally! There were about 17 of us on one piece of tarp, and we were not aloud to touch the ground. At the end of the first night, I had already met so many new people, but still stayed close to my Campbell friends. The next morning, I started seeing how much of a clique my friends were being. They talked to others, but it was as if they were glued to each other. I realized that I didn't want to be a part of that. Don't take me wrong, I love each one of them. But I came to RYLA wanting to meet new people, and that's what I was determined to do. The more I kept my distance, the more people I met, the more friends I made. I still gave them a bit of time, but not as much as they gave each other. Usually I know I would've wanted to stay with them, for the sake of "not missing out on any of the fun they were having." But I was having just as much fun, or maybe more. I knew I would be seeing them on a regular basis, but the students at RYLA were from all over Georgia, so it was a one time opportunity. It was interesting meeting new people, they were all different in their own ways. Some were very outgoing, and others were a bit quieter. Some were very religious, others didn't care. As time went by, I learned so much not only about myself, but also the others around me. I saw that it was fun being friends with people completely opposite than you too, it just sometimes took more effort to understand them.

It was interesting, because I realized that sometimes I didn't notice people, but they would take the time to come to me, already taking note of my name and character. People are observant, and there's always opportunities to make friends around you. You just have to take advantage of it. Many people make the excuse of "I'll never see them again, so what's the point?". The thing is, it doesn't have to be that way. You can just as well keep in touch and make plans to hang out. All it takes is "Hey my name's Sehar, what's yours?". Friendship is such an interesting concept. It's ridiculous how close I felt to the people around me after only four days. I felt like I'd known them for years; I felt like we were family. The time and activities together had slowly formed a bond between us that I didn't even realize was forming. Regardless of how different we all were, regardless of how far we lived from each other, regardless of our past experiences, we all grew a lot together during that short period of time. My Team, The Black Squad, won basically all the activities, not because we were the strongest nor because we were the smartest. It was because of something else. We knew each other, our strengths, weaknesses, and silently were there for each other. Failure just brought us back up, and kept us determined to come up with better ideas to succeed. The activities kept us always helping each other, always supporting each other, until words weren't necessary anymore to describe what we had. We had trust.

Before ending this post, I'd like to give a special shout out to Greer McCosh, Virginia Murrah, and Emma Baker, because RYLA wouldn't have been anything near how great it was without you guys. Thanks so much :)

Ingredients: A Pinch of Friendliness, A Bit of Thought, and an Ounce of Care

Happiness is such a simple, yet complex subject. The way it comes about, and the extent of the emotion varies from person to person. For some, a true miracle has to occur in order to feel the slightest change in emotion. For others, the smallest actions can bring enough pleasure to drastically improve their moods.

I for one, am someone who enjoys the simpler pleasures in life. I like being happy, simple as that. For that reason, I like to bring the people around me happiness as well. If I like the feeling so much, why not share it with others? With that mindset, I'm basically a psychiatrist to many, always providing advice and listening to situations. The other day someone told me that I get too caught up in other people's problems, waste too much time mending others' lives, and need to live for myself. They also mentioned that others don't appreciate my time and effort spent, so why should I bother? After dwelling on the idea a bit, I realized that although I spend a lot of time helping others' lives, it brings me happiness to know that I made a difference. Regardless of how long I spent helping someone, I don't see it as a waste. Rather, I feel satisfaction knowing that within two hours, someone I care about went from crying to laughing. And although I may be putting in more effort than I get credited for, I don't really care. Because I'm not helping to earn some type of reward or a trophy for being a good friend. That's not the purpose. I know if I had something wrong in my life, I would want someone I could talk to and fall back on. Someone that I know was reliable and actually cared. So in turn, I try to do the same for others. Whether I'm your best friend or not, I'm here and will care just as much. I want it to be apparent that I truly want to help. The reason is, I really believe in the quote that most of the time, people “...won’t remember what you said, and they won’t remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou.

I still remember when I first met a friend two years ago. I had never talked to this girl before, and didn't know much about her. However one Friday after school, a bunch of friends from school went down to a Moe's nearby to eat, and then to the park across the street to hang out. Since me and this girl had a mutual friend, we talked a bit. Towards then end, there weren't many of us left. As my ride pulled up, I said goodbye to my friends, and smiled towards her, since I didn't know her well enough to lean in for a hug. As I turned around to walk into the car, I heard her call me from behind. I turned around, and she said "It was really nice having a chance to finally meet you." It was a simple phrase, but I could feel the sincerity in her voice. I could feel that she wasn't saying it to just be nice. She truly meant it. And for some reason, I still can clearly recall exactly how I felt when that complete stranger said those words that provided me with a sense of comfort and trust. Those simple words made me feel, well, happy. And from that moment on, I decided I wanted to be like that to others.

I truly believe that one of the best feelings in the world is to make someone else feel happy. God wants us all to be happy and live life to its fullest potential. By making someone else feel happy, you're improving their lives and helping them live it up. And it honestly doesn't take much. All it takes, is a little consideration. One morning, I came downstairs to get myself a bit of breakfast. As scanned the fridge, I noticed my grandma just sitting on the couch looking out the window. I knew she often neglected to eat breakfast unless she was coaxed into it. I knew that on the days she did eat, her breakfasts consisted of tea and some cookies. Usually, I would've just gotten a bowl of cereal and gone back upstairs to get some work done. However on this morning, I decided to ask her if she had eaten breakfast, and as expected, she said no. I told her I was making some tea, and asked her if she would have some with me. She agreed, so I set to work making tea and toast, and setting out cookies and biscuits. We sat down to eat, and ended up talking for an hour. I knew that the more I talked, the less time I would have to get the things done that I needed to, which would lead me to stressing out later. However, I couldn't get myself to leave. I could see the happiness that brightened her face, just from my presence and the small conversation we were having. A little while later when I went back downstairs, I heard her on the phone talking to a friend, saying "Yeah this morning, my Sehar made ME tea, and we sat down and talked. She's my girl." Just the way she said it, her voice so upbeat and proud, made me realize that with little effort, I had genuinely made her so happy.

As I've been saying, it's so easy to brighten up someone's day. A simple smile while passing by could do the trick. Just a simple "Hey how's your day going?" can show someone you're there for them. It just goes to show that it doesn't take much more than a pinch of friendliness, a bit of thought, and an ounce of care to really improve someone's day.

Nature Awakes

Generally, I'm not much of a morning person. But the other day, I woke up at 4:00 am to go pray. Waking up early to go to pray is one exception to my usual dreading of waking up. For some reason, regardless of whether I've received 2 or 5 hours of sleep, i bolt up when I'm woken up to get ready. I'm not quite sure why, but I've noticed it every time. When I finished praying and was hanging around waiting for my parents to be ready to leave, I felt no rush to go home and sleep. I was in a state of tranquility and was comfortable in my surrounding. In the morning, everyone present is always so joyful and merry. I noticed how there was no unnecessary talk or gossip, and everyone was helpful and encouraging in even the most minute ways. It was just a great place to be. The happiness present was so contagious, I could feel myself smiling and feeling joyful as well, instead of groggy and tired.

When I got home, I decided to go for a jog since the weather was so lovely. As I ran with my music, I felt more alert and attentive than usual. Jogging is usually an activity that requires me to push myself to do. An activity that I just want to get through. However on this morning, my senses were awake. I felt the gentle breeze around me, and the sun slowly creeping up as time wore on. I heard the birds waking up and informing the world of their proximity and existence. The morning dew lay on the grass, glittering and sparkling in the sun's rays. The trees swaying and rustling. It was as if I sensed the world waking up around me. As I ran, I saw a little worm wiggling onto the sidewalk. As I ran past it, I started thinking about how life was so simple, yet so difficult at the same time for the worm. Although the worm didn't have the stress of monetary problems or school, the little worm had to fight for his own existence. The worm lived in the moment and its present survival. No worries about the future, simply current satisfaction and happiness. Top priorities are simply having a full stomach and rolling in the mud. The worm experiences everything around him, getting the most out of what the world around him has to offer. So why don't us humans, the supposed smarter creatures, do the same?

Why do we dread waking up when the world around us is so beautiful? Sure sleep feels good, but we miss out on the beauty around us; we just let it us pass by without truly experiencing all that the world has to offer. Just a simple morning walk could provide such peace throughout the day. It would help release us from all the stress of our daily lives and provide us a time to reflect. An hour or two of letting our senses do the work instead of our minds. It doesn't have to be every morning, or even very often. Maybe just once a week, or once every two weeks. But I definitely think it's a valuable experience worth having. Don't stay closed up, take advantage of the beauties right outside your doorstep.

Let's Make a Pact

Judging. We all do it, whether we accept the claim or not. Even if it's only to the slightest degree, we are all guilty of it. But why do we do it? Characterizing according to appearances, forming opinions from gossip, or simply just not giving someone a chance because they don't seem compatable to your personality. All of these are part of human nature, but can we break away from them?

Yesterday, someone who I had been seeing around regularly for the past two years but had never once bothered talking to IMed me on facebook. We talked for a bit and joked around, and soon started texting. We clicked immediately, and I was amazed at what a cool person he was. Then I started thinking about how I could've become his friend a long time ago if I had ever bothered to try to get to know him, or even just start a conversation with him. Instead, I always brushed his presence away, which was ridiculous. Not for any particular reason, he wasn't rude or ugly or anything, he just didn't hang out with the people I usually do. Then one day, I was around one of my friends who was talking to him, which opened me up to the idea of talking to him. Soon after we started talking on facebook, we started texting, and now we're good friends.

It's silly that it took me seeing someone else talk to this person before I gave him a chance, because I should thought of it earlier. It's not that I didnt want to get to know him, I just never gave it a second thought. Get to know those around you, reguardless of who they are or what you've heard. Form your own opinions. Gossip isn't always true anyways, so why rely on it? If you wouldn't want others to judge you for your appearances or rumors, don't do it to them. It's good to build relationships with those around you; it provides a sense of comfort and an essense of satisfaction. By giving in to the human nature of judging, you could be missing out on great people. It doesn't mean you have to like every indivisual, but atleast try to get to know them. A simple "Hey," could be the start of a greatnew friendship. So it's up to you. Will you continue consciously or subconsciously judging others? Or will you break that habit by stepping out of your comfort zone at times in order to open up doors to new opportunities and friendships?

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -Mother Teresa

"If God can look at us in all of our sinfulness and still love and accept us, how do you think we should look at others? Look past the things that don't matter, and start seeing people with God's eyes." -Unknown

"We know nothing of the trials, sorrows, and temptations of those around us, pillows wet with sobs, of the life-tragedy that may be hidden behind a smile of the secret cares, struggles, and worries that shorten life and leave their mark in hair prematurely whitened, and a character changed and almost recreated in a few days. Let us not dare to add to the burden of another the pain of our judgement." -William George Jordan

Each Day is a Gift and Not a Given Right. R.I.P

God I havn't blogged in soo longg. Probably since like 6th grade when everyone had an xanga. Hopefully I can actually keep up with this one. I'm not really sure why I'm starting a blog, but I've been thinking about it lately and decided it's something I wanted to do. Soo here we have the outcome: my new blogg.

So all day I've been either messing around (like I'm doing now), or helping my mom. It's been almost a year since her mom, my nani, passed away due to cancer. So she and her brother and sister in atlanta are all getting together and cooking a bunch. It's crazy to think how much things have changed. Last year we made so many frequent trips to New York to visit and help outt, all trying our best to be supportive and helpful. I think one of the hardest things I've experienced is just watching all my family members just break down and not being able to do anything about it. Everyone dealt differently. Some would burst out in tears, while other softly sobbed. There was, however, nothing anyone could do to help. That's the problem with cancer: it hurts so bad, effects so many, yet no one can fix it. All one could do is stand around and be helpless. It was tough getting through it; Tough watching the soul who I once knew was so happy and down to earth, the person who lived with me in my childhood and watched me grow, the person who taught me so much, the person who's food I adored, just crumble in pain until leaving altogether. Watching her was just as tough though. Not being able to eat, or walk on her own, or even use the bathroom. So atleast leaving got her out of misery.

It makes me happy to think that her last few breaths went positive though. No one expected her to go that day. It was simply another day in the hospital. It was my mom's turn to be with her that evening, so she was at the hospital watching over her. Later, my mom's other four sibblings stopped by to drop something off, and left. Then my grandpa, my nana, come by. She watched him leave, and then slowly fell a sleep. A few moments later, a nurse came in for a check up, and said that she was gone. She just slowly drifted away, just like that. No words, no pain. My mom says it was crazy because she was sitting right there and didn't notice. That's how peaceful it was. The last thing she saw was my nana. The guy who had been so supportive through it all. Always tending to her needs and showing the utmost compassion. The man she loved. Before passing away, she also saw all of her children. It was only the second day in which everyone all the sibblings were there. What are the odds that all 5, 3 of which live in a different state and 1 in a different country, just happen to be together on that night? It was peaceful, and I believe she left feeling satisfied. Even a year later, she is still in our thoughts. Rest In Peace Nani. We love you.

Who would've known something like that would happen? The reality is, it could happen to anyone. So don't waste your life. Do something with it, put it to good use. Most people take life for granted. But the reality is, you never know what could happen tomorrow. I'd like to finish off with a quote: "Each day's a gift and not a given right. leave no stone unturned leave your fears behind, and take the path less traveled by... if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last, leave old pictures in the past, donate every time you had? And would you call those friends you never see, reminisce on memories? would you forgive your enemies? Every second counts cause there's no second try, So live like you're never living twice. Don't take the free ride in your own life." -Nickleback