I Wanna Be Put Back Together and I Wanna Stay That Way

I don't know why. I just really don't understand. Maybe someone can explain this to me. Why every time I feel overly joyous, things go downhill. Especially lately. It's as if I'm on an emotional rollercoaster... An infinite rollercoaster that won't let me off. It's not even as if my weeks have consisted of various moods. It's daily. If I wake up in a good mood, I tend to have a fairly pleasant day till about 3rd block, when things start worsening. However if I get to school in a rush with a trail of bad day symptoms following behind, I tend to have a great day. I don't get it. Is it a crime to be so happy? Maybe it's strange that sometimes I can be so happy and content with life- it feels absolutely amazing. But balancing it out with such melancholy is not worth it. The happier I feel, the worse the breakdown seems to be. To make matters worse, trouble doesn't come alone either. It comes in clusters, making it seem like everything is collapsing. Every aspect of everything. I suddenly find myself feeling discontent and distressed with things that I hadn't even realized were problems, things that I hadn't put a second thought into. I guess I need to get my life together. I want a medium. Things weren't like this before. I miss being whole.

Makes You or Breaks You

Boulevard of

B

r

o

k

e

n

Dreams...

Sometimes competition is what pushes you, helps you, forms you.

Sometimes it's what breaks you.

It's All About Perception

Fruit

I'd just like to say that I LOVE fruit! It's the one type of food that I could eat all day and never get tired of! It can satisfy cravings for sweet and sour, and there's soo much of a variety. You have strawberries, bananas, oranges (I'm a fan of clementines and tangerines), apples, nectarines, kiwi, ect ect. Think about a hot summer day where you've been outside all day. What better than to indulge in a sweet, juicy watermelon? Or cut up a few mangoes and eat them after dinner? During the summertime, my family has mangoes for dessert on a daily basis. It's healthy, and delicious. Plus, fruits don't even contain many calories! For those of you who like to stay in the norm, there's the usual apples and oranges, but then again there's always the exotic fruits for whenever you're in the mood for a change, something exotic! Like pomegranate and starfruit and leeche! And if you're in the mood for something refreshing, just blend it all together and add a pinch of sugar to make a smoothie! I lovee smoothies, and they're so easy to make too. Lastly, for those of you who believe fruit is too healthy and not satisfying enough, there's always the classic chocolate covered strawberries! Mmm.. so soo good. Now I think I'm gonna stop ranting about fruit so I can finish my plum :)

Just an amusing comic I found:

And an amusing video :)

Marcel the Shell

Haha this is soo cutee!

I think I can, I think I can

"Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly." - Stephen R. Covey

One of the hardest things to do is stay motivated. We are capable of so much, yet we accept defeat or satisfaction prior to reaching our full potential. While the ultimate goal seems to be perfection, we lack the self-motivation to even reach our personal bests. We just stop trying to improve.

This year I'm running cross country for the first time. I joined believing I was decent at running from soccer season, but slowly I grew more unsure of myself, especially after seeing the capabilities of others and their long strides. Never had I taken much care to being short, infact I like being short. As practices started going by, I lost all motivation. I wasn't a runner, why was I doing this to myself? I realized I just wasn't cut out for this. I just wasn't good enough. Instead of motivating myself to try harder and improve my times, I ran to get it over with. Then, the weather started changing. The first day there cool breeze, rather than heat and humidity, the workout was distance. Since I have a preference for distance workouts and the weather was simply beautiful, I just kept on running. As I calculated the miles in my head, I became surprised at how much I ran without stopping to walk or rest. As I became tired, I convinced myself to keep going.. "Just a little bit more and you'll be done with 3 miles Sehar... Well now that you finished 3, you might as well do a bit more to be able to say you completed 5K.." and that's how it continued.

I felt so accomplished after finishing that day, not because of my time or the distance, but at how much I pushed myself to continue while others had taken the easy way out and just walked. From then, I realized that I could do it, the only thing I lacked was motivation. I now see my timings improving as I bring out my dedication and confidence from within. My problem was that I had accepted defeat too easily. To make matters worse, I didn't accept that I wasn't trying to my fullest potential. Instead, I made excuses for myself. "Oh the weather isn't good today... Oh I'm fasting... Oh my legs aren't as long as hers... Oh I didn't get enough sleep..." Now I realize that yeah people will encourage you, but in the end, it's all you. Just like in a race. The people on the sidelines can cheer you on, but once you pass them and that burst of energy you received from their encouragement is gone, it's all you. The truth of the matter is that you can do it, because it is possible... you just have to know it's possible. It's easy to tell yourself that you're not good enough and therefore there's no point on trying, but you have to remember that if you expect failure, that's exactly what you'll get. When you fall down, you can't give up, you have get back up and keep going, because that's how life is. As long as you don't give up, you can always improve. You just have to get past the pessimistic view of "I can't do it", because that won't get you anywhere. The hardest barrier to overcome is your own mind, and once you overcome that barrier, all that's left is to put forth effort and dedication.

Rain, Rain, Come Again

Rain, rain go away, come again another day.

We've all heard it before, no doubt we all have at least sung it in our childhoods' at some point. But why does rain have to go away? Why does everyone always seem to moan and groan at the thought of rain? It seems as if every other person is a bit bummed on rainy mornings. Why is that so?

Yesterday at Khane (Mosque), I was asked to help teach the kindergarten class because one of their teachers was not there. The topic of the day was rain and water. It was also quite ironic that it happened to be raining that day. We discussed how although sometimes rain puts a damper to our days, it is also such a necessity. Without water, the plants and animals would be unable to live. Some people long for nothing but clean water, while us fortunate citizens are blessed with always having fresh water by the push of a button or turn of a knob. Yet we never take the time to appreciate it. Rather, we complain. We complain that it messes up our hair or ruins our plans. We complain that it tampers with our moods. In reality, some people have just made it a mindset that rain equals moody and bad day. Rain should be looked at as a blessing from above. We seem often times to forget that rain is something beyond our control and not just another part of our daily lives. I myself love the rain. I love watching thunderstorms and lightening. Falling asleep while listening to the steady, heavy downfall of rain while being wrapped in a nice blanket always seems to bring the best sleep. It's just so serene. Rain can bring upon so many emotions; there's some sort of soothing concept attached to rain, yet at times it brings upon a more hectic and exciting atmosphere. Either way, rain should simply be embraced. Running through the rain and carelessly dancing through it can be so much fun when you just let yourself free to enjoy your surroundings and alter your mindset to see it as a positive aspect.

Recently, it seems as if it rains on big events, events with prior anticipation. The day of my first (and second) Majalas, the day of my Sixteenth Birthday Party, the day of Cross Country Time Trials, and the list goes on. I remember wondering, on each of these occasions "oh mann, why does it have to rain today of all days?!". I remember questioning the outcome of the events because of the rain. But now that I think about it, maybe it's no coincidence, and maybe it's no punishment. Maybe it's God's way of saying good luck? Maybe it's a mini blessing. Or maybe I'm over-analyzing it. Regardless, I still believe rain is beautiful and more people should learn to appreciate it rather than look down upon it. So maybe next time we see rain, we should see it through different eyes, see it as the beauty it really is.

The New School Year

These days, the youths of our society are continuously failing to reach their full-potential in most tasks they're faced with. They do homework to get it done, not to learn. They talk to family for the sake of having a conversation rather than to cherish the time together. They go to work, spending the day counting down till when they can go home. But by living life in this manner, you're no longer appreciating life. You're zooming through it as if the next day will hold something miraculous. But the next day is still mundane, and once again, you're just trying to get through it. Soon years go by and you wonder what happened to those days. What happened was your life silently flew by in your attempt to get through each event. No significance was attached to each indivisual event; rather, the days are remembered in mass. Recollection can no longer be made because there was no attempt to live it up. Time is precious and shouldn't be wasted in such a manner; it should be taken full advantage of by dedicating full effort and desire, regardless of the task. Living in this manner will do no harm, and rather will help in the future because you're full potential will be attained.

As summer was ending, I, like most others, was dreading returning back to school. I wasn't ready to have to wake up early every morning and do a bunch of homework. It didn't seem anywhere near as pleasing as staying up late and having time to hang out friends whenever I pleased. I knew that as soon as school would start, my life would basically be over. Two days prior to the end of summer, I had to go to school as a Link Leader in an attempt to guide the freshmen and teach them valuable lessons by playing games. I woke up in the morning dreading it, hating myself for waking up early for some freshmen. As I got to school, I reunited with some friends and made some new ones as well. Music started playing and we started pumping ourselves up as freshmen walked in to excite them about school. As silly as it sounds, trying to pump them up actually ended up pumping me up! I was starting to love helping out, because I was having so much fun being involved at the same time. That instant my whole perspective on junior year changed. I didn't want to just get through it; I didn't want to spend the whole year dreading each upcoming day. I wanted to do it. Everything. And that's precisely what I'm doing. I got myself involved with everything I could in every aspect of my life. Cross Country, Swimming, Soccer, Kameryanima (Religious Leader), fasting for Ramadan, Link Crew, Interact, Village in Action, Tutoring freshmen, Habitat for Humanity, and not to mention officially being in the IB Program now. I know it sounds so crazy, lately people keep asking me how I'm managing it all, especially Cross Country and Fasting at the same time. Honestly, I don't know how I'm doing it. I don't know how I'm able to actually handle all these things and still manage to be alive. All I know is that I absolutely love always being involved. I love meeting new people and I love being busy, knowing I'm doing something productive. I just feel motivated to just do everything, and that motivation has made me excited for school. The first thing that used to come to mind when I thought of school was "Hell." And it still is for most others too. But honestly, right now I'm loving it. It's managable if you stay on top of things, you just have to keep yourself motivated to do it. There's so many opportunities school brings along with it, and you just have to learn to take advantage of them. I realize how wonderful it is that I'm enjoying school, because I'm going to be spending a majority of the next two years at school, so I might as well love it. It'll make the experience so much better than if I spend the time dreading it. So now I feel ready to take on whatever the year has to throw at me, because I feel motivated to overcome it and use it to my benefit. I can feel the difference in myself too. Now I feel as if I'm enjoying actually learning. I feel as if I'm going to school to actually shape and improve myself in every subject, not just make the grades. I guess it's a sense of maturity that dawned over me, I'm not quite too sure. All I know is that I can feel the difference. The change in mentality. I feel as if I'm suddenly awakening. I'm done wasting time and I'm ready to make a difference; ready to be the best I can be.

Your Attitude is in Your Hands

“Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude towards us.”

This quote is so true. Your day is only as bad as you let it be. If you're the kind of person that, cliche i know, "cries over spilled milk," you're gonna spend your time dwelling and being upset about things you can't fix. By continuing to be upset, you're preventing yourself from having a good time and are missing out on other experiences and other opportunities. I have a friend who used to say "I don't believe in bad days." I used to not agree with him because everyone has a bad day right? But the reality is, one event doesn't have to spoil your whole day. You can have a day with the occurrence of a few unpleasant events, but still have a good day by picking yourself up. By accepting what happened and moving on. It's much more effective than having a bad attitude for the rest of the day and bumming out others around you as well. Whether you realize it or not, your attitude does effect others. If you're in a bad mood because something happened to you, chances are, those around you will sense it as well. It's very likely that the bad vibe will spread around. It's one thing to put yourself in a bad mood, but it's another to negatively effect the moods of those around you as well.

"A person will be just about as happy as they make up their minds to be." -Abraham Lincoln. So train your mind to think happy. To look past imperfections. To make the most of things. Don't just sit in solitude and dwell on it and make yourself even more depressed. Think about how this negative event could be a positive thing. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe this event that you currently find a bad thing will open new doors in the future. Don't let the events in your life control your attitude. You control your life by taking control of your attitude. There's so many things in this world that you can be upset about. But the choice is yours whether you want to let the bad bog down on your life, or if you want to look past it and make the most of things. Time is limited, so don't spend it dwelling on what you can't change.

Media Update

This week I've definitely been at the movies wayy too much. But it's been worth it. First I'd like to say that Inception was AMAZING. It's one of those movies that makes you really think and is kind of confusing, but it's still SOO good. It reminds me of Shutter Island, except better. It keeps you hooked throughout the movie because you can't afford to not pay attention, since otherwise you'd be even more lost. If you're planning on going to the movies anytime soon, I suggest going to see Inception.

Second, Despicable Me was soo adorable! I saw it in 3D, and it was worth it. I wouldn't mind watching it again, because its so funny. Agnes is my favorite character in the movie, hands down. The yellow things are hilarious too... I wouldn't mind having one as a pet haha.

Before I go into the last movie, I'd like to say that Pretty Little Liars is getting so intense! I don't want to give anything away for those of you catching up, but I'd like to say that first of all, Jenna really creeps me out. Many people say they don't think she's really blind, but I think she is. It'd be way to much work to pretend you're blind, and it's not like she's getting anything out of it. However I do wonder why she's working so hard to protect Toby, and what his tattoo meant freedom from. Even though he looked really creepy, I was starting to like him. He was sweet. Speaking of sweet, Ezra was the best and I want him to come back! Him and Aria were the cutest couple. I guess I should leave Pretty Little Liars at that so I don't give anything else away, but I'd recommend watching it! I even know a lot of guys who are hooked onto it, which is pretty funny. And as can be seen from the poll on the left, the show is a hit!

Hayyaa! Last is Karate Kid! Karate Kid was pretty sad and kinda predictable, but there were some twists. It's sad to think there are people in the world that can be so cruel and heartless. However it's also pretty inspirational to think about the poor kid and his determination. It's not hard to get something if you really want it, you just have to be persistent. Although it was obvious that the young child would suddenly become really good at karate, you don't have to think that it happened "just because it's a movie." I used to think that kind of stuff too while watching these types of movies. However, my perception on the matter recently has changed.

A few of my friends were planning on trying out for soccer this year, and I figured it'd be fun and a great way to get in shape. The idea of playing a sport overjoyed me, because I had never been much of a sports person. Throughout my whole life, physical exercise for me was just taking a jog, or maybe a few crunches. I immediately started attending soccer conditioning and working on improving physically. As the week of tryouts rolled around, I wasn't so nervous since I figured I'd make the team. In fact, I was a bit overconfident. On the afternoon of tryouts, as I walked down to the field, I noticed so many new faces that I had not been seeing at conditioning. Faces that I knew were athletic and were sure to get in. There were many more people than I expected, and the nervousness kicked in. By the third day of tryouts it was apparent on those who were definitely in, those who had no purpose of being at tryouts anymore, and the few that were competing for the last few spots on the team. I was one who knew I didn't have any room to slack. This was the last opportunity I had. I ran my three miles with determination, not stopping to walk once. My one strategy: slow and steady wins the race. I finished as the last one recorded in the category of "High," which was working to my advantage. However, leaving the field that day, I knew I didn't make it. I felt the tears building up, thinking about how I was going to explain to my parents that all the time and effort I had put into being regular at conditioning was a waste. Later that night as I forced myself to finish the last of my homework instead of crashing into bed after the long day, I got a call from my friend. She sounded ecstatic; I could practically hear her jumping up and down on the phone. Needless of words, I knew the cause of the excitement: the lists were up. I started pulling up the site right away, before she could even say anything. Going down the lists of Varsity and JV, my heart started sinking. Halfway through, I saw it: Sehar Lalani. I shrieked with joy as me and my friend excitedly discussed the news and on who made the cut. As I hung up the phone, I knew that a change in attitude had come over me. I had never dreamed that I'd be a sporty person, but with a few months of hard work, I had done it. Sure I wasn't the best, but I had proved myself. To me, it was a major accomplishment. This excitement gave me team spirit and knowing that I had worked so hard to get to the position kept me motivated and working hard for the team. It was a great experience not only to make new friends, but also to learn time management and test my boundaries. I'm really thankful for the experience and am looking forward to it again next year. There were plenty of times even while I was on the team when I wanted to simply give up from lack of confidence. But I didn't. You can't just give up on yourself when others are relying on you. I stuck through it and improved. From now on, I know that nothing is unattainable if I put my heart into it. You just have to stick to it and not get discouraged. Even things that seem impossible can be possible, you just have to try and put forth all your effort to reach your full potential.

The King of Pop Knew What He was Talking About

I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right...

As I, Turn Up The Collar On My
Favorite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On
The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere
To Go
That's Why I Want You To
Know

I'm Starting With The Man In
The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change
His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The
World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And
Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na,
Na Nah)

I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish
Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No
Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me,
Pretending That They're Not
Alone?

Those are just some of the lyrics to this song that I find very powerful. The other day, I went on a pretty late jog. It felt nice out, even though it was about 8:00 pm. It wasn't quite dark yet, and was still fairly warm. As I ran, my ipod was on shuffle. This song came on, and although I had heard the song before, I didn't truly "hear it" until then. Listening to it and realizing what the song was saying suddenly made me see how it's completely true. There's so many problems in the world around us that we choose to be oblivious to. We choose to move on with our lives and disregard the problems of those who we may not know. We all know the issues exist, but even those of us who want to help don't do so, because it's too difficult to change the whole world. There are too many problems to fix. But the reality is, changing ourselves is the first step. To see the problems around us and want to help. You have to "start with the man in the mirror" and change your own actions. If you be the best you can be, the others around you are influenced to do the same. And even if it's just you, atleast you have the satisfaction of knowing that you tried. You lived up to your potential. If you change yourself to see things from the perspectives of those around you, you're slowly improving the lives of the people around you. You'll make subconscious changes within yourself to accommodate the benefits of others as well. And truth be told, changing the life of one person changes their world. You're changing the world, one person at a time. Even if you don't directly change the whole world, the important thing to remember is that you're still making a difference. Don't put yourself down by shooting for the goal of changing the world. Encourage yourself by shooting for the goal of making a difference.

Ironic Ways of Life

"Isn't it ironic?

We ignore those who adore us,

adore the ones who ignore us,

love the ones that hurt us,

and hurt the ones who love us."

This quote describes many of the relationships in my life, but it also makes me wonder why relationships work in this manner. We ignore those who adore us. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but I know for me, sometimes when people seem overly clingy or want me too much, I tend to give them less of a notice. I've especially noticed this recently when new people have been getting

my number. Sometimes I notice myself prioritizing my friends subconsciously, in even the simplest ways such as opening certain people's texts first. I've been trying to change this, because I notice myself doing minute things like that, and although it's not that big of a deal, my friends should be more equal. Obviously some are closer than others, but they should all be treated with care regardless.

Adore the ones that ignore us. Soo once again, I don't know if this is just me, but for some reason, I always have an urge to talk friends who seem to always be busy. I know this is pretty lame, and probably the type of stuff you're not supposed to say outloud, but oh well. I tell myself I won't text or call until they do so first, but I seem to cave a lot. I've been getting better than this though, because as I've talked about before, I'm working on finding mediums. We can talk when you want to text me and actually want to talk, but otherwise, I'm not going to chase after you to try and keep the friendship, because friendship is supposed to be mutual and work both ways.

Love the ones who hurt us. The closer you get to someone and the longer you've known them, chances are, there's going to be some miscommunication or issues along the way. Things always seem to hurt more when it's from some one you truly care about. Think about it, which hurts more, loosing a close friend you see often or parting from someone you recently met? Hearing negative opinions and harsh words from a friend or an enemy? But although the ones close to us tend to hurt us more severely at times, we love them anyways. That's how a good relationship should work. Loving the people close to you so much, that even when you get hurt, you can look past it all. Look past it to the point that it doesn't even lessen the friendship. And infact, it makes the relationship stronger.

And hurt the ones who love us. Well this has basically already been covered, but I'd like to mention one more thing. I feel like this happens a lot within families. Families are the people that are always there for you, regardless of what happens. Many people, especially the youth, prioritize friends before family. I mean, you can't go clubbing and go crazy with your parents right? Well my answer is, so what? Friends may be fun, but family are the people you were born with. God put you with them, and there's a reason behind that. Don't just ignore it and take it for granted, because it will eventually hit you. Unfortunately for many, it doesn't happen until it's too late. Appreciate those faces you see around you everyday, don't just lock yourself up in your room and focus on living your own life. If they did that to you, you would be no where in life. So there's no reason to treat them like that. Go spend some quality time with them. Soon you'll be going off into your own life that could be hundreds of miles away. Then you won't have as many opportunities. Feeling close to your family brings a certain kind of happiness you can't find from other places. A happiness knowing that you can count on those around you, that there's always a fallback option. A happiness knowing that you can come home every night to a loving warm family. Even though every family's situation is different, and many are far from an ideal family, instead of dwelling on it and causing it to make you hate the concept of family, you have to make the best of it. I've seen so many people with family issues, so they tend to run from it. But running from your family never does any good. They're right there, and the problem remains around you. It's important to embrace it and take advantage of what you do have instead of dwell on what you don't. Parents just want to see their children happy. Believe it or not, they hate yelling at us just as much as we hate listening to it. Why not just try to prevent the arguements altogether by showing a little compassion and understanding? Go downstairs and spend even 10 minutes just asking them how their day was and if they'd like any help with anything. I'm sure they'd be grateful. Basically, don't just take family for granted and disregard their presence. Appreciate and cherish it.

Northwest is Doomed.

Soo Nabila told me to post this. So I will.

Nabila

lol nothing, chilling, i read your blog a few days ago, its so cute

2:23amMe

aw thankss(:

i havnt blogged in a while

ive had alotta ideas.. but idk haha

2:25amNabila

just write one on my awesomeness, easy topic

2:26amMe

kayy here's how the essay would go: "nabila thinks she's awesomee. but she's nott. she needs to hang with me. but she doesnt." the end.

2:26amNabila

hahahahahah

PERFECTTT

except for the fact that you're never free

2:27amMe

haha i have like noo plans.

the only issue is the driving/distance and your inability to sit in khane

2:27amNabila

hahahahahah

yeah

prettty much

i cant do it

2:29amMe

welllllllllll not my fault hahah

2:30amNabila

maybe if you made khane more fun...

2:37amMe

"as my first day as kameryanima, i would like to change dua to 45 seconds, get rid of thusbi, ginan, and farman, install plasma screen TVs, replace the kitchen with yogli mogli, get full length mirrors, straighteners, blow driers, curlers, and showers in the bathrooms, get rid of the water fountains and install soda fountains and chocolate fountains, get rid of hazir imams pictures and replace them with taylor lautner and chase crawford, free mani pedis on mondays, chickfila tuesdays, facials wednesdays, chocolate thursdays, smoothie fridays, and install a pool for pool party saturday and sundays." now im sure that will definitely fly by well with mukaisaib of khane.

The Most Valued Gifts

Although my birthday was in early June and my friend's birthday isn't until early September, we had our combined Sweet Sixteen Party together last night. I know it sounds kinda strange, but those of you who know about how our relationship works, you understand. As most of you know her, she's my kickboxing buddy. Makes sense now right? haha. Well anyways, last night was a great experience. It was a lot of fun, but A LOT of hard work too. (Especially the after-party cleaning. As presumed, it was not fun AT ALL). My emotions had been up and down all day, wanting everything to go right, and some iffy people to come. The random rain showers in the middle of the day definitely didn't help either. Thankfully, the rain soon ended. Things were kinda hectic, the moms running up and down dealing with food and yelling the time out to us every few minutes, the sibblings informing us of the guest count and doing last minute things for us, us trying to get dressed, and of course the parents wanting to take pictures. Then it was time. Time to go downstairs and make our entrance. My heart raced as I walked down the steps hearing "Imma bee Imma bee, Imma Imma Imma bee" while holding my best friend's hand. This was the moment. The moment we'd been preparing for, for God knows how long. The moment we'd been dreaming about. As soon as my heels hit the floor, all the nervousness melted away. I knew it was going to be great.. I didn't need to worry. Seeing everyone there was so exciting, and everyone was just excited to see us. All the bright faces around us.. it was exhilarating. Immediately we were greeted by all and we hugged and thanked people for coming. Then, sitting in the chairs in the corner, I saw two friends I was not expecting. That was the last of my worries; They tricked me by telling me they weren't coming, but ended up surprising me. And honestly, it was the best surprise. The rest of the night was spent partying and making rounds to all my different friends, my older friends, my current friends, my school friends, and even some brown friends.

Throughout the party, me and my friend kept talking about how excited we were to open presents and give each other the perfect gifts we had gotten for each other. After the dancing,

scary stories, balloon wishing and releasing, goodbyes, and cleanup of food and drinks, we finally changed and settled down to open presents. Usually when I receive presents, I simply glance over the cards and then direct my attention to the actual present. This time, however, it was different. I found myself spending more time admiring the cards than the presents. It

was interesting to see how they varied so much. Some were funny, some were cute, and some were so sweet. It was almost as if they each told a mini story about the person giving it to me. Some were ghetto like no other (one was literally a folded piece of paper, a bit crumpled, written in pencil), while others were shiny and sparkley. But honestly, none of that mattered. They each were special in their own way. Some made me laugh, while others would've made me blush if i was a bit paler. Soon I started to see a pattern... All of them included how much they loved all these aspects about me. Usually I would've been like "yeah yeah, it's my birthday so of course they have to say this stuff." But this time, I could feel the heartfelt messages in most of them. The problem is, I honestly don't think I live up to these great characteristics. I see where people get the idea, because that's the type of person I try to be. But deep down inside, I feel like I get more credit than I deserve. And now, I want to fix that. The perception I've recently seen that people have of me is the person I want to live up to. It was weird because all day today, random people have been randomly telling me about my how highly they think of me, and to be honest, I thought it was weird. It was not longer my birthday, or my party day. It was just a normal day. I seriously started wondering if there was some conspiracy or something going on today that I didn't know about. I felt as if any second now, someone would pop out of no where and yell "you've been PUNKED!" But then I got to thinking, and I realized that it truly is what people see me as, so it's my responsibility to comprise with these perceptions. Seeing what people had to say, from inside jokes and past experiences to feelings, really meant a lot. The tangible presents were there, but they didn't mean as much. I realized that the thoughtfelt messages and words of encouragement were even more meaningful. The happiness along with surprise I felt when I saw those two friends, who I knew had to pull so many strings to be there for me, was so overpowering. Later I realized that that right there was the best present they gave me, their presence. It meant more to me than any materialistic gift could. Those are the things that turned out meaning most to me.

You Say I Can't Handle Being Anti-Social. I Say I Just Don't Need To Be.

Recently things have been getting to me because I feel like I care too much. I put too much effort into things or have too much hope for things. But the reality is, my expectations are too high, and that's why I keep feeling so let down. I always have a tendency to expect people to always follow through with commitments, promises, and expect them to care as much as I do. But the reality is, that doesn't always happen. The sad part is, I always have that hope, a renown trust, that things will be different, even after previously being let down. I don't understand why I can't just learn my lesson the first time, or even the second. My trust is hard to break. For most people, it's the other way around. For them, it takes time and effort to build trust. For me, I bestow people with too much trust. Which is even worse. Because I end up putting too much of a responsibility on their shoulders that they can't follow through with, and sometimes don't even know they have. It used to seem like a gift, since it enables me to easily become close to people and make friends. But now I realize, it may actually be a curse.

Sometimes I don't realize that people aren't like me. That they can't trust others as well. That all comes from past experiences and one's character. It causes some to want to block out all forms of commitment and trust from their side. These people don't mind letting others trust them, but they're unable to return that trust. I realize the issue is that throughout my life, I've always been expecting mutual friendships, in which I receive the same trust I give. But that's simply not possible for some.Sometimes I feel like I care too much because when I talk to some people, I feel like I'm always the one having to keep up the conversation, or having to text first. If I'm not going to receive the same recognition and remembrance in return, why should I care? Why should I have to try so hard to keep up? It leaves me to be the one that gets hurt and feel, well desperate. When in reality, I just don't want to let the relationship to become feeble.

So then I decided to stop. That was my conclusion to all of this: just stop getting so close to people. Stop texting so much. I didn't need to keep up with everyone to live. I could just dwell in my 'me time' and be happy right? The quieter portion of humans could do it, so couldn't I? I had gotten to the point where I liked people so much, that it caused me to not like people. Oxymoron right? I cared for people so much, that I didn't want to care as much. I like socializing so much, but I didn't want to keep being put down like that. So I tried to tell myself that I just no longer liked people. But then it hit me: instead of expecting that same trust, I need to learn to accept what I do receive, and appreciate it instead. I need to cherish the reliance and confidence put on me, and let it slowly grow. I shouldn't try to push it- I need to let a comfortable medium form for both sides of the relationship.

The amount of trust varies from relationship to relationship, so it's important for me to live accordingly, and try to balance it out. I need to control the amount of trust I impose onto people. I know I'm not the kind of person that would be able to stop caring about people and stop wanting to keep a relationship with those close to me, because I'd miss them too much. Instead of avoiding the let down by reducing communication, I need to embrace it, and work on understanding it. Instead of feeling let down, I know I need to work on lowering my expectations so I can be happier with the relationships I have and appreciate all they have to offer.

My Wish For You

"This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, love to complete your life."

Bad Day- Daniel Powter

I absolutely LOVE this song. I know it's so old and everything, but for some reason, it still works its magic on me. It's just one of those songs that I can put on when I'm upset and know that it will calm me down and make me feel better. I'm not the only one either because I used to send it to one of my good friends whenever she was upset and we'd just sing along and both feel better. You should try it sometime :)

Peace.Love.Happiness

Okay so I know this is going to sound completely Hippie-ish, but I honestly one of the most common phrases you see on a daily basis is one of the most meaningful. Peace. Love. Happiness. If you really think about, doesn't it sum everything up? Its like an ethiopia. If people just paused for a second to put themselves in others' shoes, they would make wiser decisions and there would be compromise. With compromise, both parties are happy, which eliminates arguments and upset people. This leads to positive emotions towards others. If people could be in concurrence with each other, there would be more welcoming vibes and everyone could care for each other. We could all love life more. Love the things we do, love the people around us, and love the way the world works. Generally speaking, with no haters or fighting, everyone would be much happier. Isn't that what people want from life? To be happy? So why can't we all attempt to live in that manner and not only improve our own lives, but also the lives of others around us?